RUMBLINGS

My Beloved

2008-01-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

As I think of Kenya, my beloved, James Blunt's song echoes in my ears and as my jaw drops in disbelief of the wanton destruction and the absolute disregard of human life. I refuse to accept that this is my Kenya, My Beloved. We all pray for peace and calm and that hope is restored to the hearts of all our country men. That innocence is restored in the eyes and heart of our kids, the future of our beloved.

James Blunt - No Bravery Lyrics

There are children standing here,
Arms outstretched into the sky,
Tears drying on their face.
He has been here.
Brothers lie in shallow graves.
Fathers lost without a trace.
A nation blind to their disgrace,
Since he's been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

Houses burnt beyond repair.
The smell of death is in the air.
A woman weeping in despair says,
He has been here.
Tracer lighting up the sky.
It's another families' turn to die.
A child afraid to even cry out says,
He has been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore.
Only sadness.

There are children standing here,
Arms outstretched into the sky,
But no one asks the question why,
He has been here.
Old men kneel and accept their fate.
Wives and daughters cut and raped.
A generation drenched in hate.
Yes, he has been here.

And I see no bravery,
No bravery in your eyes anymore
Only sadness

ON BENDED KNEES

2007-12-28T17:18:00.000-08:00

I know and he knows
On bended knees
I bow my head and humble myself
I ask for it, this blessing
I hold out hope and faith
And believe that its in the cards for me

Through those days
When i truly feel tested
when my patience and hope
Is diminishing
When that dark cloud looms over
I know that he knows, soon sun will be out

This is my prayer as I count down the days and await this new year. I pray for faith, trust, and believe that it truly is for me and that only he knows that it will be OK. All i need to do is wait and let life take its course. PATIENCE, PATIENCE AND HUMILITY.

DEAR SANTA

2007-12-21T13:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa
This year has been a tough year
And I tried, I was only naughty
three quarters of the year
So please, throw a bitch a bone
And I will pick none with you

Last year I was good I think half the year
And for all the Italian I speak
Prada, Dolce and Gabbana
I got no Italian goodies
So this year, let it happen
I will visit the mall and point them out

Oh Santa
I promise that I will make you cookies
And my fireplace, well if u could give me one
Maybe I'd have a place to put the cookies
And my ravenous family wouldn't get them
So put that on my list, I could use a new home

Santa, what a tough cookie I have been
And for a tough year, i deserve plenty
my Italian goodies aside, my home besides
Give me lots of good friends, or at least refurbish the ones i have
Make them as good as new, and i will give hugs all around
And cook and let the wine and booze flow

So Santa, for a good girl my list is so short
I will settle for the whole list and most of what u know i also wish for
I do pray that u give to those around me blessings
I do pray that you give them joy and hope
For a better and prosperous tomorrow
So next Christmas, they'll relieve you and give me some

This Christmas, I hope that Mrs Claus is good to you
I hope all the reindeers' are fully fueled and can get you around
I hope your Sleigh is tuned and gives you plenty of mileage
Because we all await, we all hope and all appreciate this Christmas
And pray for many more

So to you and yours Merry Christmas and a Happy NEW YEAR!

THIS SONG!

2007-12-18T07:59:00.000-08:00

As the sun rises,

The birds awaken,

The evolution of morning

Start of song, song of the day

As the wind blows

Trees sway, leaves rustle

Birds chirp

Start of the beat, beat of the day

I hear the music
I feel the beat

I grasp the rhythm

Rhythm of the song,

I nod, you nod, we nod

The soul of the voice

The sultry lyrics

My heart skips, my heart beats

You bate your eyes, i bate my eyes

Each string of the guitar

Each caress of the keyboard

This soulful sound

I live for this sound
I match to this beat
I sing to this song
The soulful, sultry song of my life, each day I awaken

FINDING FOREVER TODAY

2007-11-20T10:21:00.000-08:00

I give thanks for my life's blessing, little or big. For all I have I wish to remember to be thankful and keep my complains to a minimal. I already know as i type this just how hard a feat this is since with every disappointment, every failure I go through I have to hurl out my fair share of "F bombs" not many as i an not very fond of the word. (goddamn it is my poison word of choice..) before i remember to be thankful for anything else. But truly as I wind down my day, I intend to take account, remember to be thankful and gracious, try to see where i erred and pray to do better tomorrow. Remember to let each days experience humble me.

Days are winding down and the New Year is inching in.. OK maybe not inching in. The new year is fast approaching and yes I do have my resolutions and my wants for a better new year. Now I realise that the 1st of January is just another day and I try each year to look at it just as another tomorrow, granted that somehow it is declared the beginning of another year.

As I reminisce the past year looking forward to this new blessing that I acknowledge many will not have the chance to experience, I think of my forever, whatever that means....

As the year comes to an end
A new one begins, I look back
I review my goals and set new ones
I try to resolve my looming issues
Repent my transgressions and pray
That hopefully this new year
will bear a better tomorrow
Hopefully this new year
I will evolve a better me
Hopefully this new year
I will pray more, adhere more
Listen more, act more and talk less
This new year, I will sow better seeds
This new year....

This forever that I yearn for. This continual bliss, success... This forever will be a certain one that no matter how and when tomorrow comes, I will be ready. In all fairness, I don't even know what being ready means, so whatever concept of ready that my brain, my heart and soul can master. That is the Forever I want, a simple way of appreciating the limitlessness of whats in my reach. I pray to find Forever Today, so that today I will love limitlessly, I will thank limitlessly, I will be so grateful for today. Truly, Forever is unknown to any of us so I pray to live today like it is my forever and not have to wait for the new year.

Think of this...

As morning breaks,
Comes the promise of a new day
With each challenge
With each triumph
The day urges on
And as the clock ticks away
And morning turns to afternoon
Afternoon to evening
Evening to night
Then what will you have to say of your day
Productive as it may be?

Mother

2007-11-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

Pure of heart
An abundance of patience
An overflow of humility
Passion unmatched
The tread of grace
Unconditional Love, infinity

I sneeze, and with the hem of her dress she cleans me up
He coughs, she whips up a quick concoction
Every step, every misstep, every fall
She walks beside me, redirects and uplifts
There is no resting, no relenting

Pure of heart
An abundance of patience
An overflow of humility
Passion unmatched
The tread of grace
Unconditional love, infinity

She walks barefoot, gives me her shoes many sizes too big
For she trusts i can achieve whatever she has not
Life picks her up and drops her in pieces
But she is up and giving what she cannot fathom, even for her
And she carries on a smile at hand

Pure of heart
An abundance of patience
An overflow of humility
Passion unmatched
The tread of grace
Unconditional Love, infinity

She gives, no return, no expectation
Although the rules say give and take
She loves for better or worse, no expectations
Although the rules say love one another
And she treads with the air of a queen

Mother
Pure of heart
An Abundance of patience
An overflow of humility
Passion unmatched
The tread of Grace
Unconditional Love, Infinity

This phenomenal woman, the mother, the wife.

FOR THE MEN

2007-11-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Its friday and whats a girl to do? As i think and surf the net for a something new, something different to do.(we love to try out new things and i think men should just try it). As i'm reading i see something interesting... As women we all have a glossary list of what we want in a partner (after we get over the fact that the mills and boon, fabio type doesnt really exist). Anyway the article posed the question..."what do we have to offer/give to a partner." Now i have to admit that we dont always think of that. We are so busy wrapped up in what we want and what we expect and how much of queens we are and should be treated as such, that we forget that for every queen exist a king. And a king should in turn be treated as that. (now girls dont hate.. fair is fair. Oh and this doesnt mean that i wont trip once in a while) But it is high time we articulated what we bring to the table.

My simple way of my articulation and empahsis of that fact that i too can give; emotionally, financially and physically. To him, that man, that special person my fabio..... (this is an old piece but i think it fits my thoughts at this moment)

My heart craves for him
My soul longing, anticipating
Oh how I want him
I need him, I ache for him

I see him in my dreams
As he moves...
I see grace, I see
Majesty, I see my love,
My darling
Those strides, Oh God!
Such masculinity, such strength
Such a masterminded Piece of art!!!
How I want him
Such agility Synchronizing each and every
Muscle, extending to many,
Many Miles and miles of nerves

He captures my eyes and
I want him to fill me
Nourish my heart and soul
Complete me that I hunger no more
I beseech for him,
I pine for his touch
His that will shake my body
Scatter my thoughts in all directions

If I have him
If I get him
If I be so lucky
So utterly boundingly blessed
Dear God help me!
For forever it will be

I will touch so slowly
Every part, every nook
I will look, stare
I will satisfy every bone
Every muscle, every nerve
With my hands I will knead
With my fingers I will caress
Everyday all day
Every night, all night
I will christen him'.

I will christen him, with my lips
As I kiss, suck, lick
I will love him
I will contend him
He will hunger for none else
But me'
If I get him
If I have him
If I be so lucky
So utterly boundingly blessed!

PEACE

2007-11-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

The war is ongoing.. why it started, no one knows; just that someone told them/us that we had a reason to go to war. This constant battle,over boundaries that no one really owns, over religions that some man declared and is trying to dictate. Who wins? Who actually decides when its won? What is the criteria for winning? What about the losers? Isnt is ironic to fight a homeless man with an assault rifle, when even a days meal is far out of reach for him? What chance does he stand to win... Is this already predetermined?

Despite the strong desire to stay neutral. I think and I am unable, i lean on both sides depending on the day or the happennings around me. Acknowledging that we all beleive in some supreme being. Why not then have the right, why not then of our own volition decide the intensity with which to beleive? Ok.. as impossible as it seems we all have one goal. We all look forward to peace, for our souls, for our lives, for our families, for the countries to which we pledge alliance. Even with our religions, we all look forward to a day when peace is tangible. Even in death, we all wish for peace....

What is peace,
With the world wrapped up in war
What is peace
With continents in a mayhem of hate
What is peace
With neighbors in constant combat
What is peace
With our hearts in unbridled turmoil

If only I could see
If only we could see
Beyond our turmoil
Maybe then
I could say hallo to my neighbor
Maybe then
I would travel the continents
With an openness of mind and heart
Maybe then
I would view the world with hope
Maybe then, just maybe then
I would reach out

If only I would open my eyes
I would see with an open heart
I would see that like me
My neighbor hurts
My country grieves
The continent wishes
The world hopes
That peace is tangible

Peace is our hearts
Engrossed in liking
Overwhelmed with receiving
Earthed by acceptance
Peace is love

IN DEFINITION...

2007-10-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

I sit and think and I wonder.. Whats makes me tick,what makes me scream, what makes me laugh, what makes me cry. These are all parts of me - as I cry not knowing why or knowing why or blaming someone else. When I laugh that loud laugh of mine, with the grunts and funny sounds i make.. Im smiling thinking of it.

Another birthday just rolled by and in my never ending quest to define me/to refine me/to perfect me.. ok maybe not perfect. I suspect with every birthday, and every time January 1st rolls around, a new resolution, a new definition, rather an enhanced definition of me is in the works.

This plan, this new business plan of the business of me, this draft has to get better.. I wish/i hope/i plan to make it better...

MY SILENCE

In my solitude, my silence
As I search and pursue
For it that constantly eludes
As I explore this psyche
As I question this soul
In pursuit it that defines
It that’s the essence of me

In my solitude, my silence
My mind astray
An abundance of thoughts
My heart ajar
As I rifle through
In pursuit of it that proclaims
It that’s solely me

In my solitude, my silence
I try to define joy
Joy for everyday
I try to define success
Success in my own right
In my pursuit for the joy of me
This joy that goes beyond

In my solitude, my silence
I seek the depth of my spirituality
I seek the strength of my beliefs
I seek the secrets beneath me
I seek the pillar behind my resolve
In my pursuit for it that molds me
It that molds me to be me

In my solitude, my silence
I question the whats;
What truly makes me smile
What makes me laugh
What makes me sad
What even makes me cry
In my pursuit for it that evokes emotions
These emotions that proclaim me

In my solitude, my silence
I find solace, though no complete conquests
I find reasons for happiness
I find reasons for my humility, my chaos
As I continue my pursuits
For it that’s me

Good Day

2007-10-23T16:38:00.000-07:00

I live for the smiles i have each day.

I live for the giggles i have each day

I live for the laughs i have each day

Ok forget this poem.. coz it just isnt flowing not today anyway.. I trully must be in space. I think thats where u just see things in the air.. things just floating; unknowns, questionables! When and If i ever get there physically (cant afford it though. Donations are welcome) I will try my best, to explain what it's like. I dont think scientist do a very good. Not everyone speaks science, so they need to get a regular person and a woman for that matter during PMS, to go out there and come back and tell us what its like.

Ok.. i was talking about smiles and giggles and laughs. I Love it, if i have a day full of smiles and laughs, i lay down to sleep with a smile and the next day looks bright for me coz i only imagine more smiles and laughs and ok... u know what i mean.

So for good friends, and all the special people who make me smile and laugh and oh.. i LoVe hugs too... and kisses (i can do that for hours). I just love good times coz they make life that much more bearable. They remind me of all the blessings i have in life and then i dont complain so much anymore.

I had a good day today and i need a hug and since i cant really get one i want right now.. i will gie myself one just to hold me off until tomorrow.. for that one i want...